Another bit o’ love

My sister’s in town this weekend. (So is my sister-in-law & two of her kids, but this is about my sister!) She’s not really here to visit family; she & some girlfriends are going to a concert and having fun. I think I’d be jealous except I never did that kind of thing before I had Noah – or at least, not much. So we are hoping to have brunch with her, but maybe not, if she’s tired out & hungover.

I really like my sister as well as love her.

She and I are 5 years apart (she’s the younger) and very different in some ways. I’ve (using I loosely) cultivated eccentricity since elementary school which was only cool where that was valued; she is much more one of the cool kids, at least from my perspective. She’s probably smarter than I am but the family myth was that she had to ‘work harder’ in school (in fact she just had shittier teachers).

And where I dealt with our family by following the rules externally and having my energy go inwards, she rebelled openly… in our teens. In our 20s, I dropped out of school & have mostly muddled along since; she has a degree and professional accreditation and is on a pretty high-rising career arc, although I’m not sure it’s making her happy right now. She lives in the US now; I am glad to be up here.

I and the system still carry a lot of guilt around not protecting her – in myriad ways – growing up.

With all these sibling-laden differences & history it can sometimes be weird between us, or at least kind of quiet and a little awkward. She knows we’re multiple but I haven’t talked about it too much – she doesn’t want or need to explore the abuse stuff, I don’t think. Plus we just relate to her as we do individually. But as I’ve settled into my 30s (and she will be following, this year!) it hasn’t mattered to me so much. I just like her. And although when we did live close by I sucked at seeing her, now that she’s really farther off, I miss her. But I suspect it doesn’t matter so much ’cause we are always – sisters, the good kind.

I’m really lucky to have a sister like her. And Noah’s lucky to have her for an aunt.