Silly tit weekend

I spent the weekend mostly nursing my poor tit, which clogged again Fri night and then got worse from there. After several consultations with telehealth nurses, and doctors, and begging off going to the ER on the theory that sitting in the ER - on Saturday night - after welfare cheques came out - would take literally all night, this morning I went to the walk-in associated with my own family doctor and ended up on serious antibiotics for mastitis. As I said to Sassy, sometimes a philosophy of doing the lowest possible intervention (not just mine, also my MD’s) sucks ass. Although I’m not sure I said it that directly.

I’m popping acidophilus like candy, but I presume thrush is next.

I’m glad I got to the auto show for some fun between health issues, but - grrr.

Nothing got done this weekend but baby and tit care and this is not helping the slump I feel in. I feel hopeless in a way I rarely have, about Emily I think although it sometimes gets hooked on present-day stupidities, like getting freaked out about baby proofing, or annoyed at mastitis, or angry at myself for not getting birth announcements out yet (I feel like if I send them, something will happen to Noah. And I know that’s crazy, but I feel it… it’s in part because the last night before I went into labour with Emily, I was working on the address labels for hers. And yes. It’s just irrational. I wish the birth announcement fairy would do it. :)).

I’m really glad we booked for the Briars. Because it is remarkably hard to make space for grief while Carl’s working and all the baby things have to happen, etc. etc. And then it turns into a kind of depressive response.

I know it’s not disloyal to Noah to miss Emily but it does sometimes make me feel like I’m not grateful enough for him. I am hugely grateful. I adore him. He’s such a joy and at 6 months he’s so - great - and I still have a post in drafts all about that. I am down about some things, but not about him.

But I still miss my baby girl. And this time of year is just very hard, this year. And my body is not cooperating!

February 26, 2006 | Filed Under parenting, ramblings 

Comments

4 Responses to “Silly tit weekend”

  1. Dy on February 27th, 2006 11:01 am

    I went through the same thing anad never did send out birth announcements for the same reason that you are hesitating. It may be u unreasonable to some people but it is perfectly fine for people like us who have lost a baby.

    March is a tough month. Mid-month I lost Bernadette and on the 31st, Evelyn was born so it is tough to handle the beginning-to-mid-month while trying to switch gears to celebrate Evie. I’m glada you have a place where you all can go and work through thata annual grief.

    Don’t worry about feeling guilty about missing Emily. Noah isn’t her replacement. He is his own individual and your second child. You feel for both your children as is right. :)

  2. Dy on February 27th, 2006 11:02 am

    Apologies for the typos. My keyboard is failing. :P Need to order a new laptop keyboard that does not duplicate letters and has a working backspace. :P

  3. Rock solid on October 15th, 2007 4:52 pm

    i want some pix of hot naked people

  4. Rock solid on October 15th, 2007 4:53 pm

    i want some pix of hot naked peeps

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