Parenting tip #415
If your child is constipated and uncomfortable, simply go to Wal-Mart because of the cheap (in all senses of the word) fake leather ottoman they have on sale. (Zellers will not do, because they have clean family bathrooms, unlike Wal-Mart.)
Within 5 minutes of getting in the door, the little scamp (for whom you are getting the ottoman because he is bound and determined at 9 months of age to hold himself up on furniture but too weak not to continually knock his chin/forehead on it) will have had a blowout, onesie-staining, smelly, disgusting poo.
And then, after you have wiped him up as best you can, he will insist on being held in the sling, IN THE SLING NOW even if you want to lift the ottoman onto a cart.
And then, bowels moved and comfortable for the first time in the last 7 hours, fall asleep there. On you. And you will end up trying to push a freaking ottoman across a parking lot one-handed.
And he will look immensely peaceful and cute.
And the ottoman will indeed fit in the back of your Volvo.
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It is amazing what a mother can accomplish one handed with the help of her hip, knee or foot. For the future, because it will happen again, we kept a kitchen garbage bag packed with the diapers to lay down on just such surfaces. Then turned in, it can house the messy clothes till home again.
Ah the joy of vicarious motherhood. Thrills, spills, adventures - but mercifully there is no smell-o-rama function on this experience.
I think I’ve been you, except it was a bookcase, and the poopy diaper was not neatly contained. It leaked down his leg and unto my shirt. Of course, there are never towels in Wal-mart bathrooms, so wiping the shirt turns into an adventure requiring you to get only the soiled portion of your shirt in the sink and under the water while balance the sleeping baby in the sling and without a) flashing or b) wlking out of the bathroom looking like toady’s contestant on “Wet T-shirt Derby”.