… ’cause she emails me the week I start thinking “hmmm, it’s about time to work out how to afford/find time for therapy again.” Not out of any Huge Big Disaster or anything, just the blues last week and all the mum stuff Noah’s being sick brought up and also that weird post-holiday sense I’m getting now that maternity leave is coming to an end. A year’s worth.
It’s hard to believe it’s been almost a year since we were in my therapist’s office! My god! It’s time to go back at least enough to check in – for Noah’s sake if not ours (ours too).
Abuse stuff is front and centre today too because the CBC ran a big piece on PTSD and veterans – a very brave and forthright piece that presented a whole bunch of stuff. Arguments against PTSD (“why are these men who have lived fine for 30 years now having trouble?”); arguments stating PTSD is a scientific fact. But what hit me hard was retired general Romeo Dallaire’s audio clip talking about how he couldn’t go to the supermarket without having flashbacks to the Rwandan genocide, talking about how he’s not good at suicide because he makes cuts that are too shallow when he’s suffering. (I highly recommend the clip, but you know, be sensible about listening to it).
This is a grown man, a soldier, who is having the same troubles as people I know who went through awful things as kids, and us too (not right now!). And yet I have trouble sometimes taking it seriously, that things happened to us that affect us still.
He is an incredibly brave and forthright man to talk about this stuff publicly. Thank god for crusty old white men like him.
Today was a good day. I was a bit tired because last night rather than continuing to let Noah settle back into his regular sleep schedule I took him over to M’s to babysit for her so she and her husband could go have a nice meal out. She’d called a bit last minute and I have to admit I really wanted to say no and beg off, after the weekend of stomach big. But my superhero complex kicked in and I said yes and… it ended up being just what I needed to feel like I could take Noah out again, a calm evening at her place. (we’ve been doing walks along the lake but I’ve felt like I needed to stick close to the bathroom and washing machine… irrationally, a bit, since he’s been ok since Sunday).
It was a lot of fun. Their daughter is a thoroughly enjoyable child and I always feel like I’m soaking up Good Parenting Atmosphere there.
So today I ventured out with him to the big evil chain discount store, using the Ergo to keep him happy, and bought a cart full of stupid stuff we needed – garbage bags and sunscreen and water shows and stuff to knit. Noah has to be watched pretty carefully these days ’cause he gets himself into trouble in a flash, and knitting seems to go along with that ’cause it’s soothing and I don’t get so antsy and yet can watch him like a hawk and talk to him. We’ll see if it actually works that way.
The 10 month post is in draft but not there yet. And I think I’m likely off to do a bit more cleaning before bed. Night all!
