Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
- Baz Luhrmann, Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)
I’ve decided to stop reading so much about being a parent.
I mean, I’m an information junkie, plus I may be doing some writing in that area, so it’s not like I’m going to stop completely. But. I’m going to wean myself off Googling so much. Instead I’m going to goggle at my son.
This came to me on a walk yesterday. When I was a teenager and even a young adult I read a lot of magazines – Seventeen, when I was like 12, and then Cosmopolitan and Elle and so on and so forth. It was partly entertainment, partly curiosity, but also a lot about trying to figure out who I was as a woman, including a sexual person (or to use snootier language, a sexual agent).
The thing about the beauty magazines is there’s an implication that there’s always something you have to change – better blow jobs, more eyebrow waxing, whiter teeth, or whatever. That’s because beauty magazines are driven by the beauty industry, and they want to sell you stuff and if you were fine the way you were, you wouldn’t need the stuff.
Even as a teen I knew that, but I read them anyway, because how else were you supposed to know you were supposed to bleach your arm hair? In my family I had no knowledgeable older sister or aunt and my mother didn’t know these things, and when she did she chose very embarassing ways to bring them up some of the time. (Occasionally though, she did a bang up job. She did with basic sex ed because she just bought every book on it out there and plunked them in my room, which was the best way. Really. For me.)
I’ve realized that a lot of parenting information falls into the same category. I do want the information as I hit the transition to parent. I appreciate knowing what objects can choke my child and that you shouldn’t give egg whites before two years of age and all these things. I desperately do not want to fuck up, and things that give hard information are useful in my quest.
However.
The parenting industry thrives on the same anxiety as the beauty industry (and the wedding industry). And lately I find I’m spending a bit too much time worrying and a bit too little time just listening to my gut, and observing my kid.
Time to step away from the information superhighway, on this topic anyway.
giggle. i giggle cause i did the same thing when connor showed up. i read this and thatand was so panicked about every last thing.
the last book i read was a life saver cause it said what i felt, called kids are worth it. look around to see if you can find a copy. if you cant i’ll send you mine. it relly helped lay down my anxieties. it adressed types of parents (including mine more or less) and how to be the parent you want to be.
hang in there. your guts are generally right, s long as your guts arent saying to be cruel.
Oh I have Kids are worth it! And all her books. And you’re right, they are actually good ones. That and Dr. Spock, man. :)
This made me think of Donna. When she had Tony (her first) she was an insane mommy. Reading EVERYTHING, jumping at the slightest peep out of him, the whole thing. By the time she had Mick (her third) it was so old hat. he burned his hand one night (grabbed the rack in the oven while she was taking dinner out) and she scooped him up and stuck his hands under cold water and told me to go get the carmex (it’s great for burns!) I was dumbfounded.
All 3 turned out to be great kids and are blossoming into great adults.
I do think your guts and heart will lead you in the right direction because you truly love your child and that’s half the battle. IMNSHO
I called it “the seat of my pants,” but it’s the same really. It’s a good leveler for being a parent. You have a good sense of abuse and aware to keep it out of your gut. Too much of what is printed now is of the “me-mine” theory. The children are horrid, no one seems willing to say “no” and mean it. I find it’s producing selfish and immature adults, very sad for them.
Our son plays the clip you quoted quite often. He’s made all his friends learn it, he says they “need to take stock.” He makes me smile.
Margret