(Started this yesterday; finishing it today)
So err, yes, I flipped out about my book on Saturday. I think now that I overreacted quite a bit; it may be problematic or it may just not matter or it may as Briar said work to the book’s advantage. But I don’t think it is killing my book.
I took some time yesterday to try to think (while cleaning, and driving) about why the high dramatics in my head and heart and I came up with a few things. I do feel fragile as a writer right now, partly because I keep missing my own self-imposed deadlines and partly because I’m just nearing actually finishing and that is scary to me. Because then it will be revising and sending out and what next? and not the familiar turf of wading through this book’s world.
Also because I’m 35 going on 36, and I am starting to feel silly about being an “emerging” writer. Of fiction anyway.
But also this weekend was just very bad and today is and the week will be until Thursday. Because not only do I have work deadlines, but my father in law is in town Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and he is not the easiest houseguest. Well, he is in that he doesn’t wreck things or anything. But he is critical and a few other adjectives I don’t care to post about him in public and he stresses me out. Add onto that that Carl’s been a) working or b) sleeping much of the time so I haven’t had a lot of baby-less time and you get a stressed out me…
… and oh yes, Hallowe’en is tomorrow, anniversary of the day that I was raped in my late teens. I wrote it up once in the old d-x journal and I was considering reconstituting that here, but really, that’s all that needs to be said. It’s a rough day. I like Hallowe’en okay; other people in the system really like it a lot. But it’s still that weight of anniversary stuff that comes into play: as the season changes and the clocks go back and the slutty costumes appear, I start to jump at shadows.
(today)
I still feel a bit dramatic, but it’s coming out in the OMG 20millionthingstodo! stuff around here. (Cleaning, dinner prep – yay crockpot stews – airport pickups, Hallowe’en distribution, and oh yes, 4 articles due tomorrow which are fortunately mostly done.)
I will still not get the lawn mown. That is the drama because we will be on a minutes watch to see how long it takes my FIL to mention it to me or to Carl. I’ll let you know. :)
