Today was one of those perfect winter days – fluffy snow on the ground (over ice, sadly) and the temperature quite warm enough to go out and enjoy it.
So, after V. left and after lunch, Noah and I did. We tramped around at the park (I got a shot of our foot prints side by side which I will save for a later day) and I took a few pictures and Noah pushed snow around and walked into a bush. I love taking him outside to explore, and this is just the beginning!
We barely even made it 8 feet inside the park. He had all the new stuff he needed right there.
The sunlight and air did us both good, but especially me.Â
I didn’t get as much work done as I’d've liked today, because I was still pacing around in my fear and terror that something will go horribly wrong with V. My instincts are her are that she’s just fine, and I like how she interacts with Noah and with Carl and I so far. But the fear, my god. I could hear that Noah was fine (no fussing) but then I started worrying about touches he doesn’t know to worry about yet… and that she would fall in love with him and steal him… and all kinds of (fairly) irrational stuff. I don’t think it helps that we are pretty close to when we believe the abuse started (meaning, Noah is almost that age).Â
But on the up side, knowing that she is coming is great. Having the time will be great. And most of all, after she left, I felt kind of refreshed (in that odd worried way) and had lots of energy to get Noah suited up and out in the park. Yay!
I started to read the post about Emily and quickly realized I needed to do so in the quiet of my own home. But as for this post, do NOT beat yourself up about your “irrational” stuff. Even those of us who never experienced the trauma you survived have fears like that. It’s universal. It’s NORMAL. :-)
On a happier note, could your Noah BE any cuter in his little snowsuit and adorable hat? I think not! I want to reach through the screen and give those sweet round cheeks a big ol’ squooze!!!