Don’t be pissed off!
Okay this post is full of angst. I apologize in advance to all parents who have no choice, or who have made any choices ever. That is, everyone.
But I really don’t know what is right to do here.
The parameters are that this job will probably not do much for our family financially in the short term - it’s about a wash to my current precarious position on a sheer monetary basis, once I factor in childcare and commuting - with dinners, etc., it may even be a slight loss, depending on what they ultimately offer, if they do.
It is full time, with the possibility of working from home one day a week, but really working. As a career move it is a very logical, sensible, good positioning step to continuing in the editorial realm. And so far I’m impressed with the people working there.
If Noah were three, it would probably be pretty much a no-brainer. I’d've tried him in a Montessori or something part-time and would know how he was doing (probably fine) and the shift to full time wouldn’t be so hard. Or I would have learned that he has a hard time relaxing in groups and would know it was a no-go.
But Noah is not quite yet two and I am really not sure what is best for him. Our nanny is good, and I might even be ok with having her watch him almost full-time, except that this job won’t really cover that, money-wise (she would be paid something like $2500/mo). I am not confident that I can find a good daycare, evaluate whether it’s really working once I’m invested in a new job, and basically just flipped out that it will be bad for Noah. I know he’s a trooper and can cope. I just want a bit more for him than coping.
So why am I not happy to just say no? Well I like this job. I like working. And I am worried about my future employability if I stay out of the job market.
Complicating that, I just this half hour got offered some more work I could take on top of my current work, to do at home, giving me a bit more employer-mojo than my current scary situation (although it is very, very temporary). Which sort of seems like a ’stay home’ message from the universe, the same one that is holding out this job. And yes, all these things (given that I have not gotten the big job yet) sort of speak to my employability.
But basically I am caught between two fears: that I will never get paid decently again, and that Noah will get messed up going to daycare.
I have made worse decisions in my life (see: Emily) but this one has got to be in the top ten. Most of the moves I’ve made in life have been, I guess, mostly about me, and that has been pretty simple - if a job sounded good and was offered, I took it. Now it’s not just the job, it’s my son’s life. Somehow. Some of his life anyway.
The hard thing is, I see that he really will be ready for this - later. But right now he’s two, and his world revolves mostly around me. And changing that seems really horribly major to do because “I like this job” no?
I am NOT judging other people. I’m just saying I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do!! Gah!
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2 Responses to “Don’t be pissed off!”
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The same fears have led me to continue to be a stay-at-home mom. I am working on my birth doula certification as an income supplement as well as a “strictly me” activity and it’s really great. While the money is not something we can count on - you never know when you will have laboring mothers! - it is a nice outlet for me and a welcome bonus when the money does come. It’s hard to know what the right call is. You know your little guy better than anyone and if you really think he’s not ready for all that, weigh it carefully. I feel that my children are better served by me staying home. Their father is in the Coast Guard and is gone 8 months out of the year. I think when they see that I never leave, it makes them feel more secure and helps them see that their father will also come home. It truly is an individual / family-by-family case. There is no universal right or wrong, only what works for you and your family. I hope that you can find a good way to weigh the pros and cons of each option and decide what will work best for all of you. *sigh* Best of luck!
What Heather said about there being no universal right or wrong is absolutely correct. Just because someting is right for one family (i.e., a daycare situation), doesn’t make it right for another family (i.e., one with Dad gone 8 months out of the year (and Heather, you are one strong lady!!!)).
And for heaven’s sake, you owe NO ONE any apologies. I can safely say that even those who are rabidly opposed to daycare do not make me question my situation, nor make me feel that I’m doing something wrong. This is what’s right for Jamie and me.
If you feel Noah isn’t there yet but will be later, then make that decision and don’t look back. And don’t let anyone (including YOU) make you doubt your instincts. You know in your heart what’s best.