Random bits
In line at the grocery store today my magazine was in the rack by the cash. I know enough about how this works to know that there are nefarious reasons, and yet, I had a little frisson of pleasure anyway.
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I still tear up every time I think of specific losses with Noah. Like popping up to the zoo for an hour. I know much of it is kind of silly - nap time, for example, is not a huge loss. But still. Ah well, if it’s terrible, we can make changes.
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I think we are going to try 4 full days at the Montessori, one day with V., if V. is amenable. That just seems stabler than having him picked up by different people on different days, like it would be if he were going half time, but still gives him a weekday on “his speed,” plus preserves that important relationship. And it’s the same hours for V. If she doesn’t go for it, though, it will probably be full time Montessori.
I hope he keeps loving vegetables. Their menu is pretty good - chick pea curry, etc. We have the option to pack lunch but she said all the other kids are on the plan, because they eventually bend to peer pressure, and it’s only an extra $65/mo to not have to pack any food at all with him, which is a huge convenience factor.
They do give juice though…. oh well, couldn’t hold the line on that much longer.
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I have had only 4 nightmares that he dies there, so far. Ha.
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Dear Montessori Staff,
I know every parent thinks his or her child is the most precious person ever to walk the earth. But you see, in my son’s case, it’s true. Please keep him safe. He loves the world and thinks it is all wonderful. Please try to keep some of it that way. He needs to be held to go to sleep and I know you will want to change this, but please be gentle. He likes to know what is going to happen before it happens, so please explain it to him. Don’t force him to eat or drink, but offer lots. I know you can’t buy love, but love him anyway!!!
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Just one MotherRite of passage! This too, will pass and trust replace your fear.
I used to do the usual parental paranoic worry thing. Then I turned it into a process. Imagine the worst case scenario. Imagine yourself going through it without resistance. Imagine what happens next, and then what, and then what. Go through the process till the end of your life if need be. Then, imagine the next worse case scenario, then the next.
It’s about pre-experiencing the trauma and discharging it - but only if you see how you’ll feel and how you’ll handle it, and how you’ll be afterwards. Thing is, once you’ve pre-experienced the worst, and seen yourself deal with it, that particular fear never materialises. And whatever comes up after that is stuff you can easily deal with.
They will just love him to bits.
I’ve just looked at the above again and seen how glib it sounds. Sorry, trivialising real trauma was far from my intention.
It’s just that you will cope with whatever happens. And maybe it won’t!
If someone is doing the job right (as the folks at Noah’s new school clearly are), it’s impossible to do it without love. I promise, they’ve transitioned children like Noah, who’ve been home with Mom and need extra help adjusting to the new situation. And I can almost guarantee his wonderful world perspective is going to be enhanced by all the new experiences he’s going to have.
Trust me, this is going to be infinitely harder on you than it is on him. And you need to take extra good care of YOU (and everyone else in the system (probably most especially Lyria))during all this.
You’re ALL going to be great in the end. :-)