I am woman, hear me roar…

Is that really the feminist anthem?

Anyways, things have begun to sort out (Lyr will prob post tomorrow or Sat).  Wednesday Noah did not go to daycare for a reason that disturbs me a little – they were going on a field trip in a bus without toddler sized restraints. I talked to the directress at length and I think I am satisfied that her blind faith in this system is an abberation and not an indication about a lack of safety overall, but Noah’s going was therefore not possible. Because what. the. fuck. taking toddlers on a bus? I could have taken him myself (and will probably do that in the future, if Carl and I can swing the hours) but given that he just spent a week in the car, I decided it was just as well to skip the field trip.

I hoped for a leisurely day the two of us, but it turned into a frantic errand running day. But it was still cosy.

Over the course of the day I started to get my feminist hackles up – maybe as a defense mechanism; maybe just because lots of people have felt free to comment on various rifts on the theme of “poor you, not raising your child any more” and also sorting out really why this is important to me, and I finally just kind of hit a wall about it.  And that wall sort of is that this really is right for me, and I think it is okay-enough for Noah and I want to know why it is not Carl who is getting shit for not going to 50 per cent work or something. 

Anyways, today was the big meeting at my work – by happy coincidence they were having a huge consultant meeting/brainstorming deal today and I could go. It actually was good information – probably 50 per cent of it was not new to me, and 25 per cent not really relevant, but the final 25 per cent was good. I did have to tread lightly over the question of “who here has a personal blog?” and stuff.

I had a very age 36 moment. All the other web editors – 7 in total not on vacation; this means peers! and one talked to me about, you know, being a writer! somehow it did not occur to me that I get to work with a bunch of professional writers - and all of them, I hazard a guess, under 26.  Young and beautiful and very sure of everything.  I think I’m going to enjoy it and they seem overall like a pretty smart, hard working bunch (of course they would, in this meeting, but still).  But it was one of those moments of sighing a bit inside about having spent my 20s working (thank god) but also in therapy and flitting about and all that.  I could have been flitting about editorially! Also they’re not going to get it when I have to go get Noah, but that’s ok.

I continue to really really like my direct boss. She was really thoughtful and warm in the best ways – reminds me of starting with S.  It was also really nice to be in a meeting talking about making money where editorial was seen as an advantage and not some stupid liability that doesn’t count.

Coming home was brutal though: not the traffic, although that got worse, but I got a weird headache (stress? lighting? lack of air?) that turned into a sort of a migraine – I say sort of ’cause it was so short lived but I had to stop to be sick twice. It was gross. I hope it’s not something in the building (I doubt it, but I guess I’ll find out Monday).

I got home (Carl picked Noah up) and I was soooo glad to see my boy. Carl reported that the school said Noah had a much better day, although drop off was harder.  Noah told me ‘school’ quite carefully, like he’d practiced, and after some fuss about the amazing verbal skills, he told me “noah donLIKE school.”  A sigh for the sentiment, but hurrah for the talking.  It did make me a little sad but I told him first days are hard and we’ll see what he thinks in a week or two. I don’t know what he gets out of that, but then he clung to me and we had dinner and snuggly bedtime and then he went to sleep, so.

Thank you all for your comments! I have read them all and have thoughts but this was about all I could manage tonight. More tomorrow/the weekend. :)