‘”The harder that we love, the deeper we’re gonna feel,” sings Keith Greeninger in a rootsy tune from his Glorious Peasant CD. That’s good advice for you right now, Capricorn, since what you especially need to guide you during this phase of wandering and exploration is ever-deeper and ever-more-nuanced feeling. I’ll add a corollary that may help as well: The softer you love, the smarter your emotions will be. You can love harder and softer at the same time, right?’ – my FreeWill Horoscope this month. http://www.freewillastrology.com/
Two o’clock and mostly, I need to hear back from people before I can do things. This is, as with most office jobs, not one hundred percent true – I could (and probably will) come up with oh, 2 or 3 things to do, that I could then do in a kind of haze of ignorance, and they might or might not be useful. Last week I came up with a web plan for covering an event that, in the end, I can’t actually cover, so this has chilled my enthusiasm a little bit for the “blind planning” thing. I have networked as much as I think I can do without looking just a little too eager. Or a little too lacking in work.
I’d forgotten how much of office life is waiting around for things, especially when one is new and one’s expertise in specific office politics is limited. I want to be cuddling Noah and then taking him out to a park or something. The lack of physical activity is killing me and I still haven’t worked out how to toss gym visits in, unless I am working from home. I’m also sick, again, the second time in two weeks – I’d blame Noah’s daycare but I think Carl brought this one home.
I think I still really like my job, but today is not the day to ask, really. I never do well between projects, and since the site is not only not built, the plan for building it has not yet appeared in my mailbox, things are a little up in the air for me. I might be a planner but I’m not totally a dreamer – give me a dream and I will plan for it, but give me nothing and I tend to sit and… write rambly blog entries. It is tempting to work on my book, since the minute I get home I end up with no time, right now. But that’s a little too slacker for my tastes.
Noah’s daycare is closed this week and he’s at our house with Carl’s mother and my nephew, having a blast from the sounds of it on the phone. I agree that the high-level angst passes; I’m not mired in daily sobs, but good lord I still miss him terribly horribly awfully.
Each weekend, this one involving (wonderful) out of town guests and the last of the birthday parties, seems to bring way too little time. But hiring V. to clean was genius and made a huge difference in my state of mind. It’s a luxury but one worth giving up lunches out for. Maybe even this freaking unused gym membership.
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One thing I am feeling right now is that I do have expertise – not in this publication, yet, and definitely not in how to get a freaking account on the network given the byzantine New HR Processes around here. (My boss returned today and is on the case, thank god.) But I have been on the web a long time, and although I don’t (yet) know all the ins and outs of scripting vblogs, I do know a fair amount about what works. It’s been a nice experience to come in as the seasoned professional and not the new young thing with potential.
