It was a sunny day on the island of Sodor…
Thank you for the reassurances. Noah is still not one hundred percent - runny nose and he seems pale and out of sorts. No one would find this terrible but me, but I kind of do. If he doesn’t perk up over the weekend I’m taking him in to our doctor again.
~~~
If you have a train-obsessed child around Noah’s age you probably understand the title. You’ll also get these snippets:
“Mummy, you are a Really Useful Mummy.”
(later)
“Time for shoes!”
“No! I don’t want to!”
“Noah, if you don’t put your shoes on, it will cause Confusion and Delay.”
(Noah gets his shoes on.)
~~
I have been suffering almost debilitating levels of anxiety the last week or so. Enough that I remember, suddenly, what drove us into therapy in the first place - it was living like this all. the. time. I think the stress has been building over time but what tipped it was going and sitting at Sick Kids with Noah.
I am constantly quietly freaking out over something, and mostly my thoughts circle the drain that I should not have Noah in daycare but that he should be at home with me in idyllic bliss. When I am calm I remember that although I think group care is not ideal in an ideal world, in our world it is perfectly ok. But most of the time I am not calm and I am imagining that one day he will be sobbing on Intervention that he was abandoned at a young age and brutalized in some way and that’s why he’s a meth addict.
But I also worry about: losing my job, my car blowing up (unlikely as I had to drop $1k on it today in maintenance and a new timing belt), not having enough money, the economy, the price of food, BHA, cancer, bronchitis, heart disease, that the cats are neglected, and pretty much anything else that crosses my mind that could potentially hurt anyone.
And I recognize that while these are serious things what is really going on is anxiety. And then I get anxious that it was going to that reading that made me anxious which means I am really neurotic. And then I try to remember to breathe. Working out should help and I am trying to slot that in, but each time I’ve “had time” (ha ha) to go to the gym I have spent the time with Noah turning him into a neurotic mess instead. Well ok, to him it looks like we are playing trains or riding his push toy.
Sigh.
~~~
Noah is toilet learning at school (and here too, by default). This happened a bit abruptly: he has used the potty a few times sort of randomly both at school and here, but suddenly on Tuesday his teacher informed me that we should bring 8 pairs of underwear and 8 pairs of pants and some pull-ups for nap.
Of course he owns 7 pairs of pants, + two pairs of overalls which are not ok for toilet learning. So I had to buy pants. I bought 3 on sale at Zellers ’cause I couldn’t get to Value Village, but that was annoying. I had however already bought 12 pairs of underwear.
First day: 5 wet pairs of pants. Laundry R us.
(I know, he’s sick, and they choose this week. Except he supposedly chose it himself, sooo…)
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2 Responses to “It was a sunny day on the island of Sodor…”
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5 sets of wet clothes, hunh? You *are* a Really Useful Mummy for doing all that laundry ;-) I now wish, for the first time ever, that Snuggly Girl had been into teh trains just so I could use that “confusion and delay” line. I could use it 5 times a day.
The anxiety sounds dreadful, and worth doing something about. Peace to you.
I’ve taken care of many young children over the years who ran fevers and had sniffly noses during the spring due to pollen and various blooming things. Perhaps this is something affecting Noah?
Sorry things for real and those perceived (feared) are making life rough. Hang in there!