I know I’ve been quiet lately. I’ve kind of been having a hard time. If I understood it better, I’d tell you all about it. But mostly I don’t.
Noah is fine, marvellous, incredible. His capacity to express himself grows every day and his perceptions are so cute and cool. He is such a bright light. And we love each other – not that he has a choice in some ways. But we just get along. His personality is just easy to love, but it’s also that we have similarities in how we approach things. He wakes up with a plan for the day. I understand his need to know what’s coming next. That kind of thing.
My job is alternately very cool and very uncool. No more on that unlocked, but the lows are… low.
I feel very loved by my family of the heart. But things with my parents are hard. And for some reason I’m raw to that right now.
But underlying it all is that layer when you know your reactions are not quite right. I have a lot of anxiety that it is hard to rein in. And I feel lethargic and depressed. I am missing Emily in a very acute way. I feel the abuse of the past in a shadowy way. I feel a bit put on, despite all the blessings around me. I realize that I should be doing something about it, but I’m not quite there yet.
So that’s the quiet. That and I’m considering some questions around identity and the Internet that I may or may not write on next.
