On fear, and the moving through thereof.
My camera will definitely be sorted out tomorrow as I have to download Jeremy Northam pictures for work. Tonight I remain lazy.
I’m going to toot my own horn here.
When the possibility of covering this particular interview came up my internal response was: no. No, because I have no energy. No, because I was afraid to screw it up, though, was the bigger no.
My spotty journalistic training to date (writing, excellent; journalism, spotty) hasn’t really thrown me in at the deep end in that all the interviews I have done have been people whom one could contact again to say “gosh I forgot to ask you…” But film festival interviews are flying without a safety net. Mind you, it’s TIFF and people are kind and lovely. But still. If your recording device screws up you’re screwed (mind did not). And so on and so forth.
Also, they just felt - feel - foreign and scary to me. It’s not the questions themselves; I can come up with good-enough questions. It’s the whole PR machine and etiquette and god, thin luscious people, surrounding it. People I have seen in films. In theatres, in my living room, and for the 3 months I had a tv in my bedroom while Carl was in Ottawa, in my bedroom.
Also, this assignment was for the magazine, which means people will be evaluating it rather than me sticking it on the website and crossing my fingers.
But good lord I said yes. Let me bold that: I said yes. Didn’t someone say 90% of success is showing up? In the past I have not shown up all the time. But this time, the stars aligned and I showed up.
I showed up shaky and fearing the digital camera. I still fear the digital camera and should take a course. But I got my 14:37 of interview, I got a quote on midlife, I got two pictures, and I did not do anything too egregious.
It really helped that I genuinely loved the film. It’s the kind of film Carl and I always end up finding: quirky and weird but with a good emotional centre.
And now I can say I’ve done a film celebrity interview. And I have. And damn it, I am proud of myself for coping with the fear and doing it. No, it was not a ground breaking world-class interview. No one fell at my feet begging me to become the next Brian Linehan (why did he have to die anyway). But I did it. If I ever wanted to do it, I had to start, and that meant doing my first one. And I did. Today. Go me!
And Jeremy Northam is a huge sweetheart and smart too. Actually I’m a little star struck, not because he’s a wicked actor (and he is! Mr. Knightly!) but because he was so firm about his personal life not being available for comment. What can I say? I love a man with boundaries. And a gorgeous man to boot. He has great eyes.
Also this was a very healing exercise for me. Way back in the dark ages, all us non-selves-aware system members had radical fights over university. No, really. I (Lynn) got into a music programme at a university a couple of hrs away. Also a couple of hrs away I (JJ) had gotten into a co-op programme in psychology. In town I (Karen) had gotten into a classics programme, and we had also gotten into an ivy-league school in the states, and the university which I eventually attended, in the most generic of programmes, English. Basically that one won out by default (it was far, it offered us money (so did ivy league school but the US tuition was soooo bad), and everyone could agree that English was ok.)
But I (who did not fill out any applications) always sort of wanted to be a journalist. Ironically I could have gone to a great journalism programme (assuming admittance) here in town for absolutely free, living at home, but I think we all knew that this would crush our spirit. The at-home part, not the journalism. And then as the system shifted and I became more err, prominent, I always thought I would do a Masters in journalism.
Dropping out kind of killed that and the rest, as we say, is history. And really I see now that we’re not - maybe even I am not - cut out for the kind of hard-core, hard-drinking journalism I had in mind. I think we like to hang onto our biases, and also, that would be too crazy - the chasing down on the phone and in person, the travel, the highs and lows, the pressure, whatever.
But still it’s one of those paths not travelled and ok, let’s be frank: today was not hard-core journalism by any stretch of the imagination. But it was close enough, for me, right now. It was going there in person and asking questions in person and getting the story. (Of course now I have to write it. And then hope the film gets a distribution deal.)
I said yes and I’m kind of proud.
Still need to finish my book though. I think I’d like to be on the other side of the interview. :)
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3 Responses to “On fear, and the moving through thereof.”
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You said yes.
That is *awesome*.
I am proud of you. And I love you.
And does this mean you’re feeling better?
I’m so, so pleased for you!
I see you did a Dean Spanley interview with Jeremy Northam. Is there a link where I can read it?And please tell me you got some pictures.
Thank you.