I lied about the pictures

Or rather, left the camera at work. So instead a lovely health update.

Short answer J (love you too): actually getting worse.

Long answer: the dizziness has eased up a bit but the fatigue is worse, and I get migraines or some kind of Disturbance at about 2 am almost every night. Last night my entire right side felt like I was getting a fever – shaky and tingly – while my left side was fine. Usually if there’s tingly numbness to be had it’s in the left side.

I have eliminated TIA (mini-stroke) just because there’s never any weakness and my doctor agrees that middle of the night decision seems reasonable but… perhaps I could go to the ER maybe if it gets any different? Right now, no. I’ve had a CAT scan. I’ve had a MRI. I know it’s important to get them if you need them, but they make me dissociate for days, or did before. It’s the strapped down immobile alone in a room thing. Thus do abusive fucks ensure that people have problems all their lives. But, I have a son, so if I ever truly suspect TIA I will go. My tests include typing.

At 4 pm I still get dizzy but not as bad as I had been getting. The part in my throat/scapula? thingy at the base of the throat? where it feels painful and like someone is choking me is the same or nominally worse. One theory is that the reason I am getting migraines in the night is that I hold my neck stiffly due to the throat pain.

Another theory I am holding tighter to my chest is that the choking bit has us at a level of anxiety where our body gets weird. But again not willing to partake of the quick cure (drugs) yet, and yoga takes a while. I am a contentious patient no?

The honest bit is that I estimate that I can do this another month before I have to start easing back on work. If we don’t track it down and start treating it, and it doesn’t improve, it’ll be tough choices. But, I’m not worrying yet. I’ve had weird shit before and it all came out ok in the end. But this time I’m not playing superhero and if I get to where I need to sleep in order to be ok with my son, then sleep wins and work loses. Meanwhile I’m trying to get further ahead at work so it wouldn’t be a disaster.

Where we’re at in investigating: I had a new round of blood tests on Fri which have not come back yet, thyroid again, liver, sed rate again + the rest of the CBC. My doctor also called the original ultrasound tech to talk about my thyroid/lymph nodes. After that conversation she called me to tell me that I need to get a chest x-ray, stat… oh but I’m not pregnant am I?

Well due to a birth control issue, it is extremely unlikely but slightly possible (don’t get me started on how stupid it was to get into that position in the midst of this, but you know, if I were dying I would want to have had maximum sex; see also: sleeping toddler/seize the moment/not the box o’condoms/ :)), so we have to wait for my period to start before getting one. But the minute I get my period I must rush down to the x-ray spot.

The reason for the x-ray is to look for lymphoma tumours, so not really a happy reason, as we’ve circled back to that. That’s what scares me the most. We’d also decided not to biopsy the Other Swollen Node under my arm that I had ignored for oh, a year,* but we may revist that decision. Apparently the ultrasound technician put the fear into my doctor.

Other fun things on the table include back problems, MS and its ilk, and other nasties, but you know, one step at a time.

My doctor starts with the most likely + worst things and moves out from there and it takes time, because she’s conservative. Also, the very most likely thing is that not all these things are related.

I’m more coherent in a way ’cause I’ve adjusted though, as much as one can adjust to a vise around one’s neck, dizzy spells, and 2 am migraines/numbness. And, get this: none of the film festival stuff went past 3:30. :)

* in my defense, I didn’t really know that it was a big deal.