Still feel about the same, although the headaches are a bit less frequent. But the throat / swallowing thing has been worse. I feel like I operate mostly in a fog.
So update: chest x-ray came back ok. Ultrasound showed the lymph nodes continue to grow. Impressively one is almost 2 inches wide now.
Specialists I am seeing: ENT, Internist, Neurologist (maybe; MRI first). Possibly dermatologist. We’re kind of officially looking for infections (sinus, throat, ear), lesions (MS), tumours (brain), skin cancer (remember I used to say I had a gut feeling I would get skin cancer at 36? Being 37 and having swollen nodes, this is not amusing) and… I don’t know, after that. Immune system thingies. Bloodwork remains normal. My doctor is completely stumped, and not in a good way.
Specialist I got to cancel: Oncologist. No one is happier about this than I am. But after the ultrasound showed bigger nodes and before the chest x-ray was clean, we were definitely headed down the cancer road. And to be fair, we’re not entirely out of the woods yet.
Sadness I am having: besides the struggle it is to get through the days, and the Huge Fears I am (quite normally) having about me and about Noah and stuff, I am really sad this is coming up at this time. It’s good that it’s now, but if this takes months to track down, the chances of us conceiving again (assuming this is nothing horrible) feel like they drop every month, and of course we are on strict strict rules about that, and weren’t experiencing success anyway. For the record, it’s not that Noah is “not enough.” It’s just – I dunno. I’m just sad.
Also this is making me realize that one day, even if this is just a scare, it won’t be. It’s a big realization. Not sure what to do with it yet.
Hoping this is a stone under foot. It’s very hard to have to use the ‘rule out’ method of finding what is causing your difficulties. Each one sending waves of relief and worry onto the next awful thing it might be. We sympathize from a place of experience, life has a way of just getting away. The best we found was to focus on our sons and other relationships to keep moving forward. Margret
Wow, that’s a lot — illness, infertility, mortality. That’s just…a LOT.
I hope they get answers soon. And that you feel better even sooner.
Thinking of you often. That sadness, I know a bit of it, though I created my own timing problems with no help from unsettling medical problems. Wishing you good news this week, plus lots to be thankful for at home.