Revenge
So although I went to a school for nerds and was not ostracized or anything, I still was not at the top rung of cool even for such a group. I simply didn’t have the insight or the tools to be cool: my mother wasn’t the kind of mom who took me shopping at the right stores, or informed me about the various uses of feminine potions; I wasn’t a teen who paid much attention to fashion, etc.
Maybe that’s why it was both shocking and sweet to get to my desk this morning (late due to doctor’s apt) and find a clipping from a national newspaper on my keyboard. From the Style section. In which I was referred to as “tastemaker” (whatever that is) and that I had called a 2009 trend.*
Ha, ha, ha. No seriously! I won’t get into the state of journalism today. I wasn’t interviewed but I had indeed written a piece talking about this… trend. I didn’t really actually intend to start it though.
Anyways, that was kind of cool, in a very very odd way. Thank god no one can see your shoes on the ‘net.
* An entertaining trend, not a fashion trend. But still! Tastemaker!
Luck of the…
So you know the awkward kid that seems to be a target every year in elementary school? (Particularly if overly smart and underly able to read social cues, not to mention dissociative and weird?)
Well yes, that was me. But it also seems to me looking back that there was a certain conspiracy on the part of the universe to highlight these differences; a little bit of an ill-fated star.
Now Noah is socially aware for his age and although he definitely is his own little creature and one occasionally finds him going completely his own direction at school, I still have hopes that things will be a little easier for him along the way. Perhaps without that little twist of luck.
But then I picked him up yesterday and I was handed his (3) lines for the school holiday performance. This being an extremely multicultural little school, of course the performance is academically themed, not religiously.
And they are learning about the solar system. And each child will be taking the role of a planet. I’m sure you see where this is going…
NOAH: I am Uranus! I am the seventh planet from the sun…
… it’s going to be a long winter.
(I’m glad he got this line at 3 years old, and perhaps before he is, say, 8, the curse will have worn off.)
PSA
American Democrats: Don’t forget tomorrow, Tuesday, is election day.
American Republicans: Remember to vote on Wednesday!
Okay, just kidding. In all seriousness, I hope the election goes well for my other country. I of course voted Obama, and yes, as a dual citizen I file taxes in two countries and get to vote in both. So I have more say, nyah. And it’s much safer for me to state my vote because Americans kindly only have two major parties, whereas up here there were three and a half (the half being Green) and that meant I was much more torn about my strategic or lack thereof voting.
I do not honestly believe that I really know who Obama is or what he wants to do, but I am impressed with his mastery of the American political stage. Also, like many Americans, I’ve been a Democrat forever and anything I read just reinforces how smart I am for being one. (That is, not really.)
It’s particularly refreshing coming off an election where we had a silent Conservative, an incomprehensible Liberal (I love Dion’s ethics, but he must be that prof where you are left going “he’s smart, but I still don’t know what is on the test”), a gratingly egoistical New Democratic, and an enchantingly doomed Green, up here. Not to mention that the election was kind of gratuitous.
So God Bless America. Here’s a potential President who is fun to watch and who seems to believe in something, so he might or might not do something. Cool! I’m actually kind of serious. I’ve had mock fights with Sassy (before a real one on other matters) that I think Obama is really a travelling salesman. He sells hope, and he sells it well in the best evangelical style. But does it work? I dunno; you have to swallow it to find out.
I personally believe, communist wench that I am, that the biggest change the US needs besides in its foreign policy is universal health care. My cheap economic analysis is that the housing crisis may have been fueled by greed, and the lack of regulation the oil for the engine, but one of the spark plugs of the thing is that people borrowed against their houses to pay medical bills.
Because medical bills are insane and if you don’t have a job with good benefits you’re screwed. Actually to tell you the truth what astonished me the most was learning that a close relative of mine with excellent health insurance (from a big drug company no less, and at a managerial level) had to pay about $6k, all told, in co-pays for a back surgery. $6k! For one surgery! And that’s when you’re covered! No wonder there’s a crisis. I’d be in debt too.
Anyways, this rather ridiculous and somewhat ignorant rant really comes down to: vote eh? Because I did not say that on Canada’s election day and as a direct result, no one did. It really sucked.
Funereal
Okay, how badly am I screwing my kid up?
Background: We have been having a rash of deaths, sort of. We were in Ottawa for a funeral last weekend. Prior to that Carl’s grandmother died, something Noah has not forgotten. And then our neighbour across the street died while we were gone. And then our next door neighbour’s sister died on Hallowe’en, which she explained when she came to give us candy.
So maybe that is why when Noah and I watched a YouTube video of Andrea Bocelli singing Elmo to sleep that Noah had a complete silent-teared meltdown thinking Elmo was dying.
Or maybe I have just been too blunt about Emily? I didn’t, by the way, talk to Noah about all that stuff I posted about last. But from time to time we have said that he had a sister and she died because she had a hard time being born. And pointed out that he was born just fine.
Anyways, the poor kid. He was beside himself that Elmo was dying. Maybe because the funeral had hymns?
We had to watch more Elmo afterwards. To show how alive he is.
God knows I am never bringing up Mr. Hooper.
And no, we don’t usually watch Elmo, but he has seen the odd episode in hotel rooms.
Days of the dead is just the start of the weirdness // good health news. Sort of.
I’m not big on the whole day of the dead tradition; I just don’t know much more about it than one picks up via the obligatory mention once a year and the touristy shots of altars and graves that one sees via friends or on stock sites.
So it kind of slammed into me when I was driving home yesterday gearing up mentally for trick or treat night and the CBC reported that it’s actually the days of the dead, and that Oct 31 the souls of the dead children visit, followed by the adults on Nov 1 (today) and then the whole goodbye festival tomorrow. I felt really lousy for not having left cookies out for Emily actually and just missed her. I cried a little, truth be told.
When I got home I was clearing off the table in preparation for the visitations (you can see our kitchen table from the front door) and it was a mess, because we had dumped things there all week - stuff from the trip to Ottawa, stuff from the three (THREE) things Noah’s school did for Hallowe’en, regular every day stuff. And in the pile there were two $20 receipts for parking at the “University Health Network.” I was really, really confused since that’s one place we hadn’t been all week, despite various health things on my part.
That’s when I looked at the dates: 2004/13/03. In other words, Carl’s receipts from when he went down to Sick Kids with Emily.
Is that not WEIRD? I put cookies out!!! I don’t actually really believe in any of that and yet… it was a little coincidental even for the resolutely prosaic.
I was also in a foul mood Friday because I got all the reports from the biopsy, ENT, MRI, and other acronyms. I am still following up on the thyroid and I am still having the barium swallow, but the consensus seems to be that there is nothing serious really wrong with me. Which is kind of good. Oh, and I should take anti-depressants.
Okay, it’s not quite that simple but that’s what I heard the first time.
The diagnosis is: an episode of migraines, and globus hystericus which is the “sensation of a lump in the throat when none is there” generally triggered either by reflux issues (which I may have and am also about to be treated for) or anxiety.
Well, I have had anxiety, so there is that. Of course neither of these explains the lymph nodes which is why the follow up continues.
I’m kind of unhappy with this.
On the one hand, I am a reasonable person and I see that the doctors have really done tests and listened and in the case of my family doctor, mused that perhaps Noah is at an age where he might trigger memories off for me (definitely true) and that I have been clinically depressed before (also true; when I was 20 and I was on Prozac for about nine weeks).
On the other hand… I’m pretty sure I’m not depressed per se. Or wasn’t, before all this started; now I am tired out, and grumpy. I have had some unusual stress maritally recently. But the migraines, anxiety, throat problems, and visibly swollen lymph nodes all came on at just about the same time, there are two nodules on my thyroid, and the fatigue hit very shortly thereafter.
So I kind of feel like I’m in that catch-22 female position where everyone but me is pretty sure that’s it’s (biochemically) in my head. And stomach.
I could go on some anti-depressant as an experiment, of course. The problem is that Prozac, which I know is now like a dinosaur pill or something but it is what I have experience with, wreaked absolute havoc on our multiplicity by taking down many communication barriers at once. I have strong memories of how fantastic it was to be on Prozac actually: for the first time EVER I had visual memory, and not just visual memory but an appreciation for visual art.
It was like I was sinking into every fresco and painting and tapestry I saw and since I was in Italy, that was a lot of them. (I retained some but mostly that was Lyr.) I remember how the taste of a tomato almost made me cry with joy. I remember how I felt high, absolutely high, all the time and I dropped 20 lbs in three weeks because I could not eat (the tastes of things assaulted me!) nor stop moving.
And I remember travelling around Italy in a crowd. Except the crowd was in my head!
After a few more weeks I think we adjusted a little and then after that I never refilled the prescription (Not Recommended) and then I parked my car across a very busy two-lane highway and very nearly killed myself and others, so.
Let’s just say my desire to experiment is pretty low here, considering I have a kid and all. It’s not that I would not follow this course of treatment if I did not believe it would help. I’m just kind of reluctant to follow it in order to please other people and then move on.
So, we’ll see. I also have a prescription for Imitrex and I’m eyeing it with suspicion too. Although I will try it if I have awful migraines.
I think I’m going to try just the treatment for reflux though and see where it gets me.
A whole lot of drama for nothing, so far, though.