Cookie project sidenote // Carl’s work schedule
So some years, we bake tons of really pretty cookies and give them out to people, generally in lieu of cards. The token gift people.
This year I thought we’d go back to that, and then suffered multiple derailments… Carl’s insane work schedule, flus, tireds, etc. So today I took a pack of Seasonal Cards on the train with me and wrote out actual thoughtful notes to coworkers. And I thought “bah, this sucks. No cookies.”
Well, two of them cried. No one ever cried at cookies. I don’t know, there may be something to this personal thanks thing.
~~
The final derailment was this weekend, when one of my Very Best Friends(tm) had a babysitting crisis and asked me to watch her 5 year old daughter for the afternoon yesterday (noon-6, so really the afternoon). For the first 45 minutes, as I whipped up one batch - the only completed batch - of cookies, she and Noah played like a dream team. I thought I’d whirl my way through the whole thing.*
Ha, ha, ha. After that it was constant. Some choice bits:
“Girl says I can’t be a dragon! I want to be a dragon too!”
(followed by…)
“Noah’s not being the king! He has to be the king!”
4:30 pm: little girl meltdown missing mummy, followed by hugs from me. Noah: “That’s NOT YOUR mummy!”
Girl: “She’s my mummy FOR TODAY.”
Noah: shriek of rage followed by stamping around and shouting, “She’s MY MUMMY, MY MUMMY!!! NOT YOURS!!!”
(Eventually we had a group hug, but it took quite a while to get there!)
Also, oddly, Girl came up with a game called “dead children” where she and Noah would pretend to be dead and I would discover them dead and be sad and wail and call the ambulance and then…. eventually they would wake up. I can’t say I loved this game, but Lynn did. The weird part in it is that Girl actually was at Emily’s funeral, but was only 6 months old. And…
… that was what did my energy in at the end. The 4:30 group hug, followed by an episode of Dora and dinner was very cosy. For Dora both kids sat on me and I held them and my arms felt pretty much exactly right with a brownish haired little 5 year old on one side and a blondish haired 3 year old on the other. It was all fine of course, but last night I didn’t really feel up to staying up to 11 or midnight baking cookies.
So, I didn’t.
~~
The insane work schedule:
Last weekend Carl worked 8am - midnight, with a couple of breaks, and then 10 am - 2 am, if I remember right.
He worked all week, including nights to midnight. [Noah was home sick 2 days and at my parents' 1 day.]
Friday he drove into the office at 6 am and worked until 2 am Saturday at the office and then slept until about 8; worked 10 am - 10 pm, and then god love the man, he got up with Noah at 6:30 so I could sleep until 8:30 am, and shoveled until about 10 am.
But then he worked all through the night last night; every time I woke up (and I wasn’t sleeping well) he was on a conference call. Then this morning I had to go to work because I was home two days last week and I had to do something I can’t access from home, so, I went, and apparently he worked some more juggling Noah [on vacation]. He crashed about an hour after I got home.
I truly and honestly think he will die from this. He’s 42 and barely sees the sun, never mind exercises. I really fear this. Every. day.
Not to mention that although he does always find time for Noah, our family only functions because I clean, cook, plan, shop, and arrange things - and I am tired. And our relationship is weird, because yes - he mostly works from home and I can go in and “do business” or make a comment or laugh a bit with him, but it is not really time together. It’s brief moments together.
Last week I overheard him trying to change the schedule [short term change] and basically he was told that his team can work now, or not come back like, ever. So it’s not all him, for sure. But it’s so untenable and it was now about 6 months ago that I said I could only take one more year like this.
So, kind of rough times that way. It’s hard to love someone so much but to be sidelined all the time. And it’s probably not a good idea to have another child until this is resolved, before the reproductive deadline… you know, it’s all kind of a mess really.
A good mess though in that right now the three of us are breathing, so things can be resolved.
* And yes, I thought they might like to make cookies. Nope. We did decorate paper bags. Until there was not enough pink glitter glue…
Comments
Leave a Reply