Educational angst, and angst

I have spent far too much time on Sandra Tsing Loh today, mentally and emotionally. I actually think this is progress, but ouch. One thing Anna, my therapist, said to me that has echoed in my mind oh, monthly, was that my mother was “a whole therapy” on her own. We never did get to that. But I am learning about me and us that while it is very tempting to blame everything wrong ever on incest, there were other forces shaping our life. Which, in turn, I imagine I will blame for a while and then move on with life itself.

So this is my year for generational outrage at the bad behaviour of my parents and their social set in the era of about 1976 – 1982. I do love my parents. In some ways as I get into the task of parenting a child (and not a baby) I get softer towards them. It is hard. I do screw up regularly. On the other hand, there are things I simply cannot fathom and the fact that my parents did, demonstrably, fathom them absolutely blows my mind every now and then. And I think what really set me off in the Atlantic piece was the thing about reading. Because I have been a strong reader all my life (started reading just shy of my third birthday, spontaneously, like something out of Harry Potter) and it has been a blessing, but it has also often been my drug of choice. My great aunt also did this, to the point that one time I was running around the Brussels airport seeking english language books or else my great aunt, whose knee was broken and in a cast, was going to refuse to get on a flight to the U.S.

So.

In total Jungian non-coincidence, Noah is starting to read. And I don’t mean the odd word like he was before, but really sit down with books in order to read them. Except, he sort of can’t yet. Actually he’s almost a case study in how phonics is helpful but not really the magic key. He decodes, and he has a sight vocabulary, but that hasn’t all come together yet to form an understanding of reading-reading.

I joke, but only half-way joke, that phonics are messing him up.

He’ll pick up a new book at the library, or *gasp* one of mine, grasp the meaning of a sentence (possibly from the illustrations in most cases, but in a few cases it wasn’t possible), talk about it, and then go and sound words out labouriously and get confused. Or he’ll bring home phonic readers, sound them all out sloooowly with reversals all over the place (d for b etc.) and then get so bored or distracted that he then has to compose his own song based on his riff on the pictures.

I have total faith that when he’s ready, the leap will come. My two years in the learning centre/reading lab give me a basis for this belief. But meanwhile it’s an odd twilight world, and I never went through that phase that I can remember.

Other than the phonics messing up the sight vocabulary, though, I’ve turned into a Montessori fan. I kind of have startled myself, actually, with how happy I am with Noah’s school right now. Noah’s happy. He’s engaged. He comes home with a lot of information, which is fine, and a lot of joy in that information. I’m starting to care about what he’s learning as he gets older, where before I just wanted him to be happy.

And I’m quite happy with what he’s learning. He can add and subtract and group and count by twos and tell you if numbers are odd or even and it seems to be fairly deep knowledge. He understands place value and seems to be grasping fractions a little. He can write letters and numbers and make attempts at spelling words that mostly go horribly awry but still are recognizable if you are paying attention. (Example: He leaves notes: momilfu. Translation: Mom, I love you.) He draws faces and the latest skill is that he is starting to read music.

He has no grasp of telling time on a clock with hands, tying his shoe, or pasting things straight, though. And he is a glue waster! (< — for Ramona fans)

For someone who turned four in August, this seems like a lot. And yet, some days he comes home from school and says he didn’t really want to work and he played in the sand and rolled in the pillows all day. Sometimes he brings home the same kind of work he did a year or so ago, and it all seems okay with the school, and I appreciate that. It doesn’t always have to be forward momentum.

So next year really is the make or break year where kindergarten and french are concerned. To recap: Noah is missing junior public kindergarten right now, which is generally english. French Immersion starts in senior kindergarten, so if we want that, it MUST be in September. He can enter english public school whenever, but most kids have entered already and the gentle transition of kindergarten gives way to seriousness in grade one, so that could be hard. He can stay in his current school to the end of senior kindergarten if we want, and this is also the ‘payoff’ year in the three-year cycle if he does.

Our local elementary school (walking distance) does not have a FI programme. The one to which he could be bussed is not in a good school; good authority has it they wanted the money to help with the gang problem. So our public school options, barring talking our way into the french board which didn’t happen last year and gets increasingly unlikely, pretty much come down to english public where he gets to WALK THERE (this I actually do care about) or move. In a fabulous new wrinkle, there is a movement to close under-populated schools in my area. In this local school none of the classes are full.

Then there are private options. Next Monday I have an appointment at a french Montessori that goes up to grade 12. It’s also four, count ‘em, four blocks from my work (representing a 45 minute commute for Noah where his current drive is 5 min; on the plus side he would only have to be at school for basically 8 hr. 20 min. and all I would add to my day would be the drop off/pick up minutes. We could even do something funky like park at my work and walk over, and I could walk over and get him and walk back to my work, thus giving me lots of exercise and Noah some. Given that we would be together and it would not be me rushing somewhere, it’s conceivable that we could even do it on public transit, although then it would take over an hour. And if we did it by car, we could listen to all the great works of children’s literature on audio books!)

I’m kind of leaning towards the Montessori but some things stop me. One, it is risky financially. I think it costs about $15k/yr and that doesn’t include the summer (we pay about $16k/yr now, but that includes summer). If Carl or I were laid off, we would have to switch schools fast. And if my work moved we’d be screwed. Our long-term financial planning generally has been with a view towards lowering our childcare costs, not increasing them.

Two, as someone who went to private school downtown in high school, I know that it changes your life fairly dramatically. It’s one thing in high school to have all your friends scattered about the city. It’s another thing in elementary school. This would mean no local school chums to go biking with and no self-sufficient walking to school alone in grade 4. It means him being trapped in a car with me 1.5 hrs a day, which doesn’t really seem natural or right or even healthy (I know I don’t find it healthy for me.)

The thing is, I don’t know whether those things will really truly happen if Noah’s in some kind of aftercare anyway. It sort of depends on whether Carl continues to work at home 3-4 days a week and whether that would be reliable enough for Noah to come home and hang out with him (working) after grade 1 or so, or what. In kindergarten, which is still half-day, obviously there has to be half-day daycare. If we can arrange the driving (see: Carl working from home some days; me working one; my parents pinch-hitting) Noah could even do half the day at public and half at his current school, for some crazy exorbitant fees.

We can’t move into my work neighbourhood, realistically. Houses similar to our current one cost about $700k and ours is worth about $375k, so it’s just out of reach. (Carl will never move into a condo and even the townhomes are $$$). We could move closer, I guess, if the school turns out to be wonderful and perfect.

[Real estate note: We could move and improve our education odds in a wide variety of ways: We could move into a FI neighbourhood. We could move closer to my work and this Montessori. However, we have a really good deal here in that our mortgage is very doable, our neighbourhood is lovely lovely and the lake - my god, the lake - and also, our neighbourhood is getting discovered. It's possible that in 5 years, we could make out like bandits. And the local school, if it stays open, is just fine - just not bilingual. Also, moving is so hard.]

Three, I really like Montessori right now. I’m not, however, convinced that it is the way to go for all of elementary. It depends on the teachers and the school.

Four, if Noah were reading fluently, I would be much more keen on French… and by September, he may be. I am keen on bilingual early education, and all of Noah’s other skills are solidly enough in place to take the rock to his world. But it would/will be a rough transition, and I would prefer if he were reading first.

So… I don’t know. This is what I’m thinking right now, but we have to tour the french school. If I adore the french school, perhaps we could try it for one year. One year of immersion at 5 years old wouldn’t make anyone bilingual, but it would lay a foundation for later study. If it worked brilliantly, we could talk about moving so as not to have a commuter lifestyle forever and ever and ever. If it fell in between, as most things do, we could either go on a year by year basis, or we could transition to public for grade one. If it were a disaster it would only be one year.

I don’t like the school hopping but that is what I’m thinking. Word from experienced parents at Noah’s school is that educationally kindergarten has mostly been a wasteland for their kids, after the work there.

We’ll know more Monday. I find this very hard. There are other private school options but I don’t really know if I want to pay for english private unless there is a problem with english public once we get into it.

Then of course there’s the quit my job, walk Noah to public kindergarten, supplement myself like crazy. Only problem is, I love my job.

Finally, I would like to get pregnant. If I ever manage that all bets are suddenly off because we can’t afford any of this for two kids… but wouldn’t that suck for Noah?

So. confused.