My brain on hormones
Weird things about this pregnancy so far:
1. I hate food. Anyone who knows me will know how far off normal this is. But I hate all food. It’s not that it makes me directly ill. My stomach can handle it at most hours of the day. And my brain says “feed the embryo!” But in between there is a short circuit in my head that looks at just about any foodstuff and kind of goes “you want me to put WHAT in my MOUTH?” Also, “what a waste of money this is” at the grocery store and “geez these people are demanding” when it comes time to like, cook something.
I believe at this stage with Noah I was chowing down on spinach and tofu samosas and lentil pies. But with this babe it’s all I can do to choke down some toast. Toast is the least offensive food I can find, and this list includes chocolate, chips, and other non-nutritious foodstuffs.
2. Morning sickness peaks at about midnight. If I can sleep though it, it’s good. If I wake up, I end up wishing I were dead for about 2 hours.
3. I can’t quite get my head around a girl. After Emily died and I found out Noah was a boy I spent quite some time mourning that my boy would be the opposite sex from me. Now I’m like “how weird would THAT be?” On baby name picks we are definitely leaning towards the masculine, although this is probably helped by the fact that we have last pregnancy’s girl-name in our mutually agreed upon back pocket.
4. I’ve had no baby dreams. This makes me wonder a bit about the health of the baby, despite that being rather…new age of me.
5. Oh my god I realized this week this means I have to go through LABOUR again. Shit. Being me, I looked up the latest research on cord accidents and there’s interesting stuff out there - the worst, however, of which is that if you’ve had one, you are 5 times more likely to have another (and No One Knows Why). Other interesting things: Hiccups (which both my babies had) can be a bad sign. Babies also almost always tend to get nuchal cords in the same direction, suggesting that fetal movement is somehow pre-programmed to roll a particular way. None of this was especially reassuring.
6. Still pretty darn happy. However I do kind of feel like this is the last kick at the can. If this baby does not make it for whatever reason, I think I’m out, done, finito. Obviously it is not entirely my say but - I kind of really think so regardless.
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I hated food from weeks 6 to about 20 of my pregnancy, too. Everyone kept saying “oh, it’ll get better!” And it did, but it took much longer than I was happy with, so I feel your pain!
And FWIW… we had no baby dreams *at all* before she was born, and she’s completely fine.
I know there are 1,001 reasons you might not want to do this, but is it not possible to just ask for a C-section where you are, given your labour history & the cord problems & so forth?
I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and sending good energy and all of that sort of thing. I remember how scared I was for myself, and the generalised constant anxiety, and — yah. Sympathy and love.