Spent yesterday at the Mt. Sinai ER because I woke up at 7:30 (ah! holiday week!) – bleeding. A lot. Bright red.
To give the end away: Still pregnant. Do not have placenta previa or a hematoma or anything that would obviously account for the bleeding. These things happen sometimes. I’m to rest until I see my ob next week.
At the time though, of course, I went straight to the dark place. I called the after hours number and an OB on duty called me back in 5 minutes. (!) And she said because the clinic was closed Friday it was probably a good idea to come down to the ER, so we did.
I had excellent and amazing care – something I don’t always, to be honest, associate with emergency rooms in my city. But no, it was respectful, thoughtful, and involved a full blood workup and a lengthy ultrasound session. It did take some time.
For me it was just emotionally over the top, even though I think the staff found me very calm. But underneath it was brutal. I was really kicking myself for doing all the walking/lifting/etc. I’ve been doing (I also took Noah to the Ex). And mostly I was thinking “so that’s it then.” It didn’t help that I had another round of pretty heavy bleeding in the waiting room.
Because I am not doing this again, regardless of the outcome. I am done. Done, done, done.
So all the way down and waiting for the ultrasound I was sort of steeling myself for the end of this pregnancy, all the attendant gore to come, and what I would tell Noah. Which is probably what the calm was – steely acceptance.
But then during the ultrasound the tech was being very professional and poker-faced and had the screen waaaay up where I could not see. Finally I asked if there was a heartbeat (we’d skipped the Doppler to get to the u/s when there was a timeslot available). And she said “oh! yes!” and then she turned the screen around and spent a good 3-4 minutes showing me fingers and toes and face and heart and bums and…
a little penis.
(So there it is, another son in there. Sometime, maybe, if I stop being grateful the baby is alive I’ll be sad about not having another daughter. But I love my son and two boys sounds rather cosy to me. Anyways.)
And then she left to check with the radiologist (who sent her back 2 more times for better cervix shots) and I sobbed because my god! My son is in there! He had better fucking be all right!
So yeah, it went like that. And you know the end. I’m on modified bed rest which is painful, painful for me, especially since I’ve reorganized half my house and one. single. day. of work would be payoff day where everything is magically away and instead I am staring at it.
But I am being good ’cause my son is in there.
And I am sad, to be honest, because I wanted a drama-free pregnancy and this was so not that. I realize it may be a completely minor event but it really hit my buttons.
And I am not ready to go back to work yet and yet Tuesday I should, even if I’m working from home ’til I see my ob.
However: Nothing really bad has happened yet at all. That boy is wriggling around in there.
I hope things are smoother by now, and no more bleeding!