Am I DDNOS or DID? I think one thing and my therapist thinks another

It's really hard for me to answer questions about other people. So I can't tell you what or who you are any more than you can tell me.

But I do have some thoughts about labels.

Labels are very useful for therapists (because then they can look for literature on how to help you) and psychiatrists (because then they know which drugs they can prescribe for you) and insurance companies (because they can decide whether or not to pay for it).

But do remember, that labels are incomplete. And they change. A number of therapists will say that you cannot be multiple if you don't lose time - that is, not remember large chunks of your days now and then. When I went into therapy, I didn't think I did lose any time. Some of that was smoke and mirrors - I didn't think I did, but I was losing time sometimes anyway. But some of it was entirely accurate. I can be co-conscious with some people. I don't believe that this makes me any less multiple. And more and more multiples are saying so as well. Unfortunately, with some therapists it comes down to our word against theirs. But they have been trained by people who believe in their labels - which may or may not be accurate.

Also, every multiple system is unique. It has a unique structure and is made out of unique individuals. There are certainly common elements from which therapists can diagnose. But the ground-level mechanics of how your system reacts to the world may be - entirely yours.

Therapists are learning too. My current therapist has been working with dissociatives for years and years and she is really good. And she is the first to admit that there just has not been good training and help out there for therapists around these things. There is more and more. Hopefully your therapist will be willing to learn alongside you as you learn about yourself.

When it comes to the DDNOS/DID debate - I don't find that these labels are any help in making fine distinctions between a person who believes she or he is part of a "full-blown" multiple system and someone who finds themselves speaking like a child sometimes or who is divorced from their memories and feelings. You can call it depression, or you can call it a slump, but if the person is not getting out of bed in the morning, it doesn't help either way. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

For me, the most important thing was to admit that I was not in control of my life and to listen for and to the rest of the system. The next most important thing was for someone - anyone - to believe me. If you and your therapist are constantly arguing over what the right label is for you, it doesn't sound very productive. Maybe it's time to let the label discussion rest for a while and just see where your exploration of your days - your inner days and your outer days - lead.

Having said all this, I have met some people online who don't feel they're multiples, but don't feel they're precisely singular either. One of them said she felt like a spork - you know, half spoon, half fork, no one really knows what to do with it. It is a hard place to be, from the sounds of it. But it is just as valid a place to be as fully multiple or fully singular.